i take 100mg of zoloft, 1 atripla and have a UD viral load, cd4 of 794 and i can't stop thinking about myself being positive. it's not always in a negative way. it's just always there. i am fatigued and tired all the time. i really hate i did this to myself. there is always going to be something that lets me and others know. i just want to feel good again. i will never feel normal again and for that i am very sad and afraid.

Having HIV is certainly not a cause for celebration. However, it is like many other illnesses. It requires great personal resolve and strength to cope with it. You have no way to turn the clock back. You cannot undo your HIV infection, but you can decide how you intend to move forward. You can make your best effort to get good treatment (as you seem to be doing) and then carry on your life in the most productive way you can.

If you're feeling tired and fatigued all the time and are having constant negative thoughts, then you should be evaluated by a mental health professional to see if you're suffering from depression. Fatigue and constant negative, pessimistic thoughts are common symptoms of depression, and if they persist, you should be evaluated and get appropriate treatment.