I have lost all my friends to aids and I have no family im on pI and my viral load is non detectable I am a gay male living in an all hetorosexual area Im talking babies babies babies not a gay man in site I am not eligible to recieve any help from housing agencies because I have assets(I am on ssd and I have some credit card debt so real estate agency will not give me an apartment because of my low income (even though I can afford to pay the rent I have no one I can use as a guaranteer I am so unhappy in my home I dont want to live anymore and want to stop taking my meds I have a hard time getting to the Gay part of town from where I live and If I try walking to it I get tired fast I dont have enough social affairs to attend that I can make friends I really need a realtor in nyc who will help me get an apt My depression is from lonliness I need help please !!!!!!

YOur letter is confusing to me. Are you saying that you curretly do not live in NYC and want to move to NY or live in a part of NY which is not very gay? If you do live anywhere in NYC, even a neighborhood that is not particularly gay, I am confused by your saying the part about trying to walk to a gay area. Public transportation is cheap and good in NYC and can bring you quickly to places where people with HIV come together for mutual support and socializing.

If you do not live in NY, then this is another matter. Obviously you have a computer in order to post a question to this forum. Have you tried searching for other PWAs, or just other gay men who might be itnerested in meeting for social activities by posting a notice on a local BBS?

You sound pretty depressed. Do you have a therapist that you are working with? If not, then it is important that you ask your doctor for a referral to one so that you can get your depression evaluated and treated. Having survivied your entire group of friends is a terrible thing to live through, and would probably depress anyone. But there are always solutions to concrete problems. Are you a client at the local AIDS service organization where you could discuss this with a case manager in order to try and develop a variety of possible solutions to increase your social contacts? Isolation is obviously a terrible thing for any human being to suffer from, but when you have AIDS, social activities and the resulting support are essential. I hope that this is helpful. Michael Shernoff, MSW