Doc, I was diagnosed in Sept. '99 with over 500,000 VL and 2 T-cells. Currently on an avalanche of meds and doing better but suffering with severe depression and fatigue -mental and physical. Now my lover confesses that he too is + and is under no treatment. Social security would not disable me and we are both working ourselves to death. The hospital bills wiped out my life's savings, my bills go unpaid and our business is going belly up. He props me up and is now at the end of his rope and lately we both have had familial and social disasters in our lives on top of all the other obvious problems (like shingles, loss of sex drive).We have even discussed/argued about a suicide pact. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like all hope is lost and maybe we should just take each other out. Even my clinic is breaking up , my only source of security and sanity. I'm on Paxil, Trazadone, Xanax, Temazepam, Lorazepam, oxandrin and deca not to mention the cocktail and weight/ appetite control. I'm losing it as is my partner and need help. Thanks, I know you're not a magician.

You have not said whether the two of you are in any kind of counseling? Support groups are free at local AIDS service organizations, and this is an option that you guys should really explore. Some AIDS organizations also offer some limited counseling for individuals and couples. Are you guys even clients at your local AIDS organization? This would be the best and most logical place to begin to obtain the kind of support each of you individually and you both as a couple need during this terribly stressful and difficult time. Another option to explore is to call the social work department at the hospital at ask to have an appointment with one of their social workers. He or she may know of resources that you are unaware of.

Best of luck. I know how overwhelming this is at the current time. But there are ways to ease the burdens.

Michael Shernoff, MSW