I felt I was literally murdered by someone in 2004. I dated a seemingly romantic guy for a while before I had sexual relationship with him. I never do drugs, do not smoke and drink very little. That night, he got me drunk and has unprotected sex with me. The next day when I woke up and went to his fridge to find something to drink, I found out he had all the hiv medications inside his fridge. I confronted him later and he said, oh, are you going to call the police to arrest me, and anyway, I do not remember what we did last night! He was a stronger man than I was and had a dog, so I did not end up with a fight with him fearing for my safety. I went to my family doctor within 48 hours and he put me on prophylaxis medications for 28 days. That 28 days was like hell to me, I developed rash, diarrhea, nausea, extremely tiredness and headache. The side effects from the medications prevent me from going to work and I was very depressed. Fortunatey, I tested negative since then but the depression never goes away. Despite with psychotherapy and medications for depression, I am still very depressed and suffers from anxiety attacks from time to time. I could not work and has to be on long term disability since then.

I cannot figure out why someone can be so cruel and irresponsible to spread a potentially fatal illness to another person.

I should have reported to the police and get that man arrested but for fear of making a scene at the top page of the newspaper, I have not done that. I feel so gulity because he may be spreading hiv to another people that he may have sexual relationship with.

Can you give me some advice on how to deal with this man, and anyway I can do to improve my depression. I am still suicidal at times and not having any relationship since then.

Thank you!

There are some cases in the UK of people being prosecuted for intentionally or recklessly spreading HIV infection. But unless you are willing to go public with the police, etc., there is little that you can do. You should forget about this man and take care of yourself.

You need treatment for your depression. You had post-exposure prophylaxis and it worked. You are HIV negative. You have been fortunate in this way. The problem you are having now is related to depression. You need to go to a good psychiatrist or psychologist and get proper evaluation and treatment for your depression. With proper treatment, you should be able to get past this and return to a more normal life.

For other readers of this site, this should serve as a warning about combining alcohol and sex (or drugs and sex). It may impair your judgment and lead you to be careless about taking precautions against sexual transmission of HIV.