The Body: The Complete HIV/AIDS Resource
Follow Us Follow Us on Facebook Follow Us on Twitter 
Professionals >> Visit The Body PROThe Body en Espanol
Ask the Experts About

Choosing Your MedsChoosing Your Meds
Rollover images to visit our other forums!
  • Email Email
  • Glossary Glossary

HIV & Dating.
Feb 8, 2009

I am gay and I just started dating a guy and I really like him. He confessed to me that before things go any further that he was HIV+. I don't want to end the relationship and I was wondering what are the odds of contracting HIV from protected sex and if there is anything I can do to further protect myself.

Response from Dr. Frascino


Protected sex would indeed be "protected," assuming the latex condom was used properly and did not break. Regarding other harm-reduction or prevention strategies while being part of a magnetic couple (one pozatoid, one neggie), see below. I'd also recommend that both you and your Mr. Happily-Ever-After read through the chapters in the archives devoted to magnetic couples and HIV sexual prevention.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

All new to me Sep 30, 2008

My partner of 20 years has just been told he is aids defined. I love him and just want to have the best quality of life we can. However, what was once great sex, is now very uncomfortable. Not by me but him. He is concurned with my health, I tested negative. He pleasures me (so he thinks) but I am not allowed to touch him, like oral. What can I do to make this right? Thanks.

Response from Dr. Frascino


HIV can make even a sex god feel like his touch is toxic. Your partner is trying to protect you and in the process is taking on all the responsibility for maintaining your HIV-negative status. Relationships, of course, can never be one-sided. I suggest you and your partner read through the chapter in the archives of this forum devoted to magnetic couples. It will address many of your concerns. Communication is key. In addition to establishing new safer sex rituals that you both agree to based on what is known scientifically about the risk of HIV transmission associated with various sexual practices and based on each of your comfort levels, there are other means of protecting against HIV transmission to consider including:

1. Get a starter pack of PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis) to use in case there is an accidental exposure (broken condom, etc.).

2. Have your partner take antiretroviral medication to drive his HIV plasma viral load to undetectable levels. The risk of HIV transmission is significantly decreased when the HIV plasma viral load is undetectable.

3. Consider PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis). Clinical trials are underway to determine whether the negative half of a magnetic couple taking antiretroviral drugs can result in protection from infection. Some magnet couples are already employing this harm reduction strategy, even though the results of the clinical trails are not yet available. You can read more about all these methods in the archives.

Finally, advise your poz partner I, too, am the poz partner in a magnetic couple (15 years and counting). Steve (Dr. Steve, the expert in The Body's Tratamientos forum) and I continue to have a very satisfying sexual life, despite my being virally enhanced. And yes, I'm talking about toe-curling, own-name-forgetting, wake-the-neighbors type of sex.

Dr. Bob

CD4 Percantage low but stable while absolute count drops?

  • Email Email
  • Glossary Glossary



This forum is designed for educational purposes only, and experts are not rendering medical, mental health, legal or other professional advice or services. If you have or suspect you may have a medical, mental health, legal or other problem that requires advice, consult your own caregiver, attorney or other qualified professional.

Experts appearing on this page are independent and are solely responsible for editing and fact-checking their material. Neither nor any advertiser is the publisher or speaker of posted visitors' questions or the experts' material.

Review our complete terms of use and copyright notice.

Powered by ExpertViewpoint