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My girlfriend got Aids when she got raped,
Jan 1, 2007

Hi doc,

I am french, but unfortunately I haven't found a ressourcefull web site such as this one in france and I would need your help on this issue :

It has been a year now since my girlfriend was tested Hiv after a brutal rape. I am still going out with her because I trully love her and can't just simply conceive living without her even though she has AIDS. Since she got raped and tested positive we haven't had any sexual intercourse of any kind, not even french kisses. But it has been a month now that my girlfriend is becoming more natural more open to our relationship and ready for sexual intercourse. My question is how can I protect myself while still being able to enjoy sex with her. I am fully aware that the use of condom is compulsory for penetration, but was wondering if there is a risk for me being transmitted by Hiv if she gives me oral sex (unprotected)and if i give her oral sex. Can the fact that she or I use the fingers (anally and vaginal for her and anally for me )to stimulate each other is a factor of transmission ? And also sometimes after I brush my teeth i have my gums that bleed, can i kiss her with my tongue safely ?

I realy want to protect myself the best possible ways so that I can enjoy being with the girl I love, because for me Hiv is not a barrier to relationships and living life.

Thank you for answering those questions doctor your advices would be of great help for me and my girlfriend.

Phil.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Phil,

I would suggest that both you and your girlfriend read the archives in the Safe Sex and HIV Prevention Forum, paying particular attention to the sections on "Magnetic Couples" and "HIV Risk of Transmission (Sexual)." Once you have the chance to study what is known about HIV-transmission risks associated with various sexual activities and how best to protect yourselves, you'll then need to discuss creating new sexual rituals based on what is known scientifically and what you both feel comfortable with. This is called negotiated risk (or negotiated safety). I have been in a magnetic relationship with my partner Steve (Dr. Steve, the expert in The Body's Tratamientos forum) for over 13 years. We decided together exactly what level of risk we were willing to accept many years ago. We have a phenomenally satisfying sexual relationship and Steve has remained HIV negative.

Two things to keep in mind:

1. Opposites attract!

2. If you do have an unavoidable significant HIV exposure, begin PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis) ASAP. Your girlfriend's doctor should be able to help you with this, if necessary.

Good luck. Stay safe. Stay well.

Dr. Bob



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