My partner recently died after many years of receiving top notch treatment, the latest drugs, and having a AIDS doctor with vast experience. My partner did all the right things, was very compliant with meds, and lived a healthy lifestyle with much support from family, friends, and myself. He was infected back in the 80s, starting taking AZT early, and by the time the PIs came along, was already resistant to a lot of the drugs. I think y'all provide a great service, but sometimes the tone on this website seems to be something like just take the latest meds and you'll be OK, or if you're not doing well, you must not be taking the right meds. I know they work great for a lot of people, but such unrelenting optimism about the ability of HIV medicine to prevent serious illness and death doesn't ring true for those of us with different realities. AIDS still kills people and not just Africans or people who don't take their meds.

I don't disagree with you at all, but when people are seeking answers it is helpful to start with hope. It is of course true that not everyone benefits to the same extent (or at all), but if you don't give it a game try you'll never know whether it would have worked for you, which is why people like me who answer these questions tend to focus on the positive side of things.

Your lover was like many of our other most loyal and reliable patients -- he did what was recommended to him, and those recommendations represented the honest state of our knowledge at that time. What we learn about HIV changes so much so fast. What seemed like the best thing then is no longer seen like that. In this very way, meaning our best, we failed a lot of people. And you're also right that with our current knowledge, not everyone has a stellar outcome.

I hope you find peace.