|Going in Circles-Literallly and Figuritively
Nov 14, 2010
I credit The Body.com and it's amazing staff of compassionate thoughtful and smart as a whip individuals for helping me discover, recover, and finally get to a place where I can move on from disaster and live with the hope of making a new happy life, Thank you all! I have an issue with being treated for mild to aggressive depression and controlling a tornado of thoughts and tasks, when not completed that just adds to my depression and feelings of worthlessness. I know in my heart I have lived with an attention deficit disorder all my life (so did my parents who chucked me into every sport known to man and kept me active daily util I dropped). However these were NOT recognized conditions with medical treatment when I was young (Born 1963). Now I cannot get help with any meds that work for me cause adults don't suffer from it now that it's caught and treated for youth. When asked to be treated for ADHD like condition I am treated like I want easy drugs. Teens and kids are popping them by the millions every day now but what about all the adults who never had the chance for help? I know my current depression stems from an overload of responsibilities and activities I need to organize, accomplish, and achieve before I have the life back I desperately want and deserve, but I constantly have 12 projects and walk around in circles tapping each one but never completing anything long or complex by the end of the day. I have tried for 3 years to get prescribed Adderal (sp) as all other drugs never did a thing (I have taken 5 to date with zero progress)...don't lecture me BUT I tried one adderal from a colleague (her kid gets them!)and had an AMAZING day of calm productive successful progress, it was amazing. If I can control my spastic mind and accomplish complex procedures I will achieve very important life goals including exercise more, gain pride, hit my targets and have some self respect back while making distant plans that make me happy and want to get out of bed. Any remaining sadness can be balanced with Pixar, Disney, my dog, baking, and sex. Good plan eh? NO ONE will prescribe me Adderal or anything similar, so now I self medicate with too much caffeine and have tried other black market drugs (brain activity levelers)attempting to fix this on my own with very bad results. (imbalanced brain wave patterns are classic in ADHD and I KNOW mine need a little push to balance out) I am terrified of the bad effects of the caffeine and hate trying to control the levels I need to prevent hyper speech and activity followed by a big crash only for minimal successful results. I cannot exercise or stay active like I used to and attempts to do so have left me with a broken toe and two sprained ankles all in the same month! What would you suggest to get me off caffeine and other frontal lobe stimulators to level out my thoughts and end this horrible cycle of getting no where while spinning in little circles? I know I am NOT the only one. I'm a big picture guy and suffering every day. (one Phd prescribed me Geodon and I almost sued after taking it for only two days with no sleep and uncontrollable body spasms all night) and another Phd after only a 15 minute consultation! heard the word adderal and told me with her fingers waving in the air my brain was having little spasms and tried to put me on Epilepsy meds instead and when I said no, she said good luck and walked out!...FREAKS!!) I used to manage banks and investments and have a real life that I desperately want back again...please advise. (PS I lost everything 3 years ago including a 5 BR house with pool and am currently on SSDI and just got accepted into Medicare this month (taking MORE money out) and go to an HIV clinic for care-they saved my life) I cannot handle my new health concerns, taking meds regularly, exercising, diet, my family, I cannot make or keep any friends now, trying to date and work (I want to go back to work so bad)while being considered a societal leper along with disclosure stresses AND building a new career etc, finding housing, blah blah blah on $700 a month, constant fear I won't find care or help to pay for it in order to just stay alive, meds, and even enough food for the month which is a struggle sometimes. I attend an HIV group thing (wasted time wanking)and individual counseling (no good either, still bummed daily not getting things done). How can I find the medical care that works for ME, so I can have my life back?! (Sorry for the length, but this is rediculous that 12 year olds get quality help and I suffer!)
Response from Dr. Frascino
I would suggest you ask your HIV specialist physician for a referral to a psychiatrist (not a PhD or psychologist). You are clearly dealing with a complex psychiatric condition involving depression and anxiety complicated by significant life stresses and concurrent HIV disease. I would not put all your hope on a single stimulant drug. Your problems require a more comprehensive approach, and an HIV-knowledgable psychiatrist should be your first stop. Bring a copy of this post and my response to your first visit and show it to your psychiatrist. It will help focus your treatment and speed your recovery.
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