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We love eachother, but can this really work?
Mar 5, 2007

Hi Doctor. I realize that this isn't the correct forum for my question, but after reading your answers, I feel you might be the best guy to answer my question. I'm 21, HIV-, living in Europe. I'm in a relationship with an absolutely amazing, lovable 36 year old, hiv+ guy. We've been together for 10 months now. Before his change in hiv status, we spoke of a future together. He found out he was positive while, on a whim, testing his blood -- blood he was going to put in a vial as a gift for me; sort of an Angelina Jolie kind of thing. He told me immediately of his status, and had me tested as well. I came back negitive. The 24 hours I had to wait for the results, I assummed it was I who gave him the disease (I was previously raped twice;) we had been going bareback for a long time, since we had both previously tested negitive for anything and everything. In retrospect, I see that this was an unwise decision, because as I have now learned, hiv status doesn't show up immediately on tests. My beau supposedly doesn't know when or how he contracted the virus. I don't know if I should believe him. He was a very sexually active person in the past -- possibly still. Obviously, our sexlife is suffering. He feels guilty, and I fearful. But, even before he found out he was hiv+, we had a very poor connection in bed. I know my boyfriend has guys that come by and blow him. I don't love this behavior, but I deal with it. I'm worried that he's having sex with other guys -- something we said was off-limits. I'm not a very jealous person, but I don't want my boyfriend to infect unknowing guys, or he, himself contract something else. I've gone through his computer and have found barebacking chat and profile sites. This worries me. I love him, and I know he loves me. He says that if we split up it's because I'd leave him. He doesn't want to leave me. But is this just companionship that he desires, and not sex? My boyfriend isn't very handsome, but wealthy, and I good looking, but not his "type." I feel like the old wife he comes home to after chasing tail all day! Also, things might be done differently here in Europe, but I don't think he's on medication yet -- It's like he's waiting until he feels sick. Is this relationship worth the pain I may suffer, or the danger I might be in?

Response from Dr. Frascino

This forum is dedicated to HIV-positive folks, particularly those who have concerns related to fatigue and/or anemia. Questions related to HIV transmission, prevention, safer sex, HIV testing and risk should be sent to Dr. Bob at his "Safe Sex and HIV Prevention" expert forum. Please resubmit your question there using the same title and add the phrase, "resubmitted form the Fatigue and Anemia Forum." Thank you.

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