Feb 23, 2007
I am a man in his early thirties and am attempting to live a 'normal' life after my diagnosis two years ago and have posted several questions on this site. I had to go on meds after 6 months. I have managed to keep my job and even managed to build my career over the two years.
I still have an underlying problem! Why am I still finding it so hard on meds.? I had been on truvada and sustiva but could not manage the "buzz" and fatigue of sustiva. I switched the sustiva to nevirapine after a six month break. Have been on it truvada and nevirapine 7 months (VL ud, CD4 in the 600s) , my liver test is raised in its 70s from, used to be normal at 36. (Hep tests neg). My sleep is not great and I dream every night even though I used to never dream before dianosis. I feel tired everyday but force myself to go on.
I am now finding it hard to hold down my career and taking these meds. I am not sure what to do next. Change again and risk all the other great side effects of a PI - yellow eyes, diarrhoea or just stick to what I know and watch myself deteriorate by the day at these drugs do there worse.
From what I am about to say most of you will say post this on the Mental Health and HIV expert site. But is this struggle worth the effort? Feeling like crap each day of your life? Watch as everything falls bit by bit to the waste side. I know other people have it much worse and maybe my survival instinct has not clicked in yet but this just as you Americans say This sucks.
Response from Dr. Frascino
Perhaps the real problem is that you are "attempting to live a 'normal' life after your diagnosis . . . ." If your definition of "normal" is life exactly as it was pre-HIV, that could be your problem. Your life will never be as it was pre-HIV. You may not have completely accepted your new reality as a "virally enhanced" person. There is no doubt you are clinically depressed, as evidenced by statements, like ". . . is this worth the effort . . . feeling like crap each day of your life . . . watch as everything falls bit by bit to the waste side . . . watch myself deteriorate by the days as these drugs do their worse . . . ." Perhaps your intolerance isn't related to your drugs, but rather to your diagnosis itself. I would suggest you continue to work closely with your HIV specialist to optimize your HAART regimen while minimizing drug-related side effects. You should also ask for a referral to an HIV-knowledgeable psychologist/psychiatrist to evaluate and manage your depression.
I've been positive since January 1991. Yes, HIV sucks! (And not in a good way either!) But, is the struggle worth the effort? Absofrickinlutely!
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