|RE:Tired of Living Like This. I BEG you to please answer me.
Sep 21, 2005
Dr. Bob, Thank you so much for answering my question. Although I understand your response, it just doesn't seem that easy to me. HIV in the heterosexual world is different than in the homosexual world. I am viewed as a disgusting, dirty, worthless woman. Why would I want to continue to live in a world like this? There are prostitutes that don't have HIV and I do. Every morning I wake up and can't believe I'm here for another day and just long for the night time again so I can sleep and not think about it. Why am I not dead yet after 13 years? I know there are NTLP, but those are few and far between. I constantly think about what is the best way to exit this world. I no longer wear my seat belt hoping that I will be taken out that way rather than go through the pain and suffering of succombing to a OI. I really just want it all to end. It just seems like it would be a lot easier being dead than alive.
Response from Dr. Frascino
I didn't say it was "easy;" however, the person viewing you as "a disgusting, dirty, worthless woman" is actually you!!! There is no doubt you are severely depressed and that that is why you are focusing on death rather than life. Yes, there are prostitutes that don't have HIV and you do. So do I and so do 43,000,000 other people. Also remember there are people ravaged by Katrina and you were not. Again, I urge you to seek psychiatric help without delay. Still don't believe me? Try reading the following post written in response to your initial message. The next step is indeed up to you.
Re: Tired of Living Like This (Sep 21, 2005)
My Fiance' and I have been together for two years now, we are both HIV+, and have just welcomed our beautiful baby girl into the world. The birth was cesearean, but our baby girl is perfectly healthy, happy, and HIV free. It really does happen, when she got pregnant, well it was a shock to us both as we thought we could have no more children, plus we had both found out that we were positive just a year prior, but found love, and thought it a blessing that we shared this with each other, as we made a silent commitment to each other to love each other completely, and thought it was ironic that we both were + and found love with each other, but what if we did not???? Well, we faced that question too, and ....while we were both open minded (Bi-sexual) previously, it was our dream to have children, a family etc....well we have it all now, plus we both entered into our relationship with one child from previous relationships, that alone proved to us that we did not settle for each other just because of our circumstances. Unfortunately, there are more and more hetero singles out there in the world with this disease, they are looking for someone too. It would be of grat loss to those people as well if you just gave up, love does not always come packaged the way you might want it to be, I love my lady so very much that (Incidentally we are not sure who was infected first, but conclude that we transmitted it to one another) I knew when I found out that I would gladly live with this disease with her, and so it is, we are the picture of the "Normal Jones' Family" and nobody is the wiser. We have chosen to tell select people in our lives, and while we do not hide, we strive to give our children, and family the most balenced life that we can. Since diagnosis, we have both been healthy, and undetectable until now, in my own stupidity, and overworking myself to pay for a new baby, my CD4 count has dropped drastically with not being on meds, but I am seeking treatment, and we are hopefull that all will be well soon, and I will not make the mistake again of not taking care of myself again. You are probably a beautiful woman, with so much to offer, please, I am begging you, and so is my Fiance', seek counseling, or find that determination to live, because all you wish for is just waiting for you to put forth the effort to live for it first! If it has been thirteen years, you are long overdue, plus it would not hurt if you got laid well before you check out! My spouse and I enjoy a high sex drive, and all the trimmings that couples we know that do not have this disease do not, are happier, more determined, and motivated. Plus this is a hard disease to get through alone, especially in the first few years. There are "Poz" dating sites, and please do not discount what Dr. Robert said, it is possible to have a negative partner, and be fulfilled. I know several myself, the key is be honest with yourself, and your partner and.....Make the determination to live, if need be in spite of this disease! For me, it rejuvenated my life, made me want to do things I was neve ambitious enough to do, "I'll be damned if this was going to kill me before I accomplished certain goals" And poof! Two years later, modern medicine has pretty much assured that I will outlive my non + peers, bonus! I have a new lease on life, and a beautiful woman, and children that are a blessing to share it with! NO, I will not go quietly into that silent night, I have chosen to fight every step of the way, and live the good life! Your turn...What are you going to do???
Response from Dr. Frascino
Thank you! I'll make sure "Tired of Living This" gets a copy of your post so she can see that if she's "tired of living like this," she ought to try living like that!
I'm sending cyber-hugs to you and your wonderful family.
Re: Tired of Living Like This
I (I MEAN MY FRIEND) WANTS TO WOO-HOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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