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my #2 try for an awnser
Apr 2, 2005

Doc Im sorry to add this question again to the wrong forum, but im SURE its you whom I want to awnser it.... I also want to wish you a happy holiday and you are in our prayers.......... So here I go again for another try at at awnser. In 1995 I was 20 years old and very healthy . I had(1 time)unprotected vaginal sex with a female whos status was unknown , around the same time a friend of mine turned up hiv +ve from a street worker in the city. I got quite worried myself seeing something happen so close to a friend near home,I started to worry ALOT about myself. After learing of my friends fate and then myself dwelling on the issue, I do recall, nervousness, swollen lymph nodes, aches, pains,fatigue, night sweats, weight loss , depression and all sorts of strange symptoms. Im truly not sure I got rid of the depression and when I think about this subject It makes me sick 10 years have since gone by and I was NEVER tested but in the back of my mind I still had the fear but was to afraid to know the truth. Although I still worried to myself and had some of the sweats , and small symptoms I tried the best I could to put it out of mind, and NEVER had unsafe sex again, or hardly ANY sex for that matter. It scared the "hornys' out of me you could say. I have not had so much as a cold or flu or anything that I could remember in the last 10 years...NOTHING . I guess Im lucky but I never EVER get sick. Since then I met the woman of my dreams and we got married, I have never had sex with anybody since than besides my wife, and I know my wife was also 100% faithful and does not have much of a sexual past to begin with. We have a 24 month old baby girl who recently got sick , she had a fever for about a week straight, her tongue was coated white, she didnt eat hardly anything for the entire week. And she gets nosebleeds.(her mom also had nosebleeds as a child) So I made a mistake that has since changed my life for the WORSE. Its ruining my entire life , My happy family is being torn apart and the best news I could get is that IM CRAZY. My mistake = I went online and did a web search for "white tongue" BIG MISTAKE ! Since I have done that I can no longer sleep, I literally spent over 10 hours on your web site reading, I read enough on your site to know this is the wrong forum to put this in, I also read enough to know that you are a compassionate man , who if bugged enough will awnser anyway ;-) (wink) I beg you to reply. After reading TONS of writings on this web site, Im basically a basket case, I am now remembering little things such as symptoms I may or may not of had. I cant look at my family without crying, My social life is OVER, Im a shut in, I do nothing but read about hiv on this web site, it is literally tearing my family apart, I have considered harming myself thinking a mistake I made 10 years ago has came back to me and my family in this way. The thought of my innocent wife and baby daughter paying for my mistake is to much for me, and I dont know what to do. I have a few simple questions I surly hope you awnser. After getting myself all worked up reading, I noticed that me and my wife (both smokers) both have white coatings on our tongues in the morning, I brush the white away and my tongue appears normal, except at the back near my throat where there are some "small white bumps" that are temporarily painful after a good brushing. The rest of the tongue comes clean, but the next morning or later in the day the coating returns. I am recently suffering hair loss, which is in my family on both sides anyway but freaking me out still. Sometimes I am woken up at night by lymph node pain in my groin area only,it hurts that bad.. but only the nodes in my groin, my other nodes appear fine. In my mind the worst is already confirmed. I know your probably thinking im crazy, and that may be so , but here are my 2 questions. #1 Can a person be infected with hiv for 10 years, never EVER getting sick at all, no colds, no flu, no infections, NOTHING, I had multiple bloodwork done for a heart stress test and no flags were raised, and I suffer migraine headaches where bloodwork was also done with no flags raised. Could someone have hiv for 10 years with no sickness? Question # 2 Does reading this stuff online cause people to freak out and start having symptoms that appear to be hiv? What I mean is... Did I do this to myself by reading it? The white tongue, hair loss, swollen groin nodes, headaches, recent chest pain, could all this be in my head? Is this remotly possible that I got myself all worked up over reading about it? I really need to know. I have been recently having chest pains and was admitted into the cardiac unit of the hospital at age 30 for the dye and stress test on my heart and ALL tests came back normal, I had cat scans, and ultra sounds done on my heart and lungs and NO problems were found . Again all this stuff happened after I started reading this stuff about hiv, I really need to know as my family is not the same and I cant be a decent father or husband until I know. Since I first submitted this question (that went unawnsered) I have broke down mentally and shared the news to my wife and now I fear she will suffer mentally and physically as I am doing.This should prove to much for my family as lately she is holding this family together. We ARE going to get tested soon after this easter holiday to put this to rest so I can go back to loving and caring for my family, as of now im at the state where i dont even want to live anymore. I sit and stare, everyone knows something is wrong, I spend every minute of the day and night reading this web site, I take a "nap" and wake up and start again DOC if you choose to pick and awnser my question you will literally be helping my family in this tough time. Thank you and GOD bless you and your work Sleepless in Rural Ohio

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Sleepless in Ohio,

I'm not sure I understand your thought processes or actions. (But then again I never really understood why rural Ohio voted for Bush either.)

1. You spent enough time reading this site "to know this is the wrong forum" to post your question. OK, then why did you post it here rather than in the Safe Sex/HIV prevention Forum?

2. You claim that "after reading TONS of writings on this Web site, I'm basically a basket case, I am now remembering little things such as symptoms I may or may not of had." What??? Later in your post you ask if "reading this stuff online can cause people to freak out and start having symptoms." Well, I think you answered your own questions on that issue.

3. Next, you claim you "cant look at my family without crying . . . my social life is over . . . I'm a shut in . . . I do nothing but read about HIV . . . it is tearing my family apart . . . I have considered harming myself . . . ." and then you claim "I don't know what to do." You also claim for the past 10 years you have been "afraid to know the truth." Does any of this make sense to you? As I'm sure you realize, what you need to do is get counseling for your anxiety and get tested for HIV. Both are long overdue. Stop procrastinating.

4. Regarding your symptoms, as I've said numerous times before, symptoms are notoriously unreliable in predicting HIV disease. Consequently, again I suggest you get tested for HIV and stop focusing on symptoms. Counseling for your anxiety and irrational HIV fears is also warranted.

5. I am glad you have finally been honest with your wife and that you are at least planning to get tested. That does indeed make sense.

6. Next, I must add I do fear for the health of both you and your wife. However, the primary reason for this is that you are "both smokers." I strongly recommend you both quit.

7. Finally, you know what needs to be done, so turn off the computer and get going.

Dr. Bob


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