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I am gay and HIV+
Feb 9, 2005

I don't know how to ask this, I am HIV+ and my B/F is HIV-, when it comes to sex he does not like to touch me in a sexual way. I just sit there and get him off, I like anel sex but after I found out that I was HIV+ I don't do that and he seems to not want to get into sex any more. We have been to gether for almost 2 years now and I need more out of the bed room then what he is giving. can you try to give me some answers on how to help with this?Because I love him and I know he loves me but I am starting to feel like I want to look for other sex when I know that is wrong. SO please get back to me on this, thanks. HIV30Mich:-)

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello HIV30 Mich,

Many magnetic couples have faced similar difficulties. The problem is usually not one of sexual desire, but rather one of communication. You state, "I love him and I know he loves me . . . ." That's the key point.

Magnetic couples that have the most successful and satisfying sexual relationships are those who have created their own safer-sex rituals that they both agree to. Communication is key. HIV positives feel better when HIV negatives share the worry of possible infection. The partners must accept each other as different -- but not incompatible -- due to the virus. Open discussion about what each feels is unsafe based on individual comfort level and medical facts is crucial in deciding together exactly what you are going to do in bed (or hanging form the chandelier for that matter). Couples counseling should be considered if one or both of you have difficulty talking about HIV and how it's affecting your time together between the sheets.

Mich, I, too, am gay HIV+ and have an HIV- partner (Dr. Steve, expert in The Body's Tratamientos Forum). We and many other magnetic couples have a loving and sexually very satisfying relationship based on the "negotiated safety/negotiated risk" principle. Ours is the type of union most others, including those with the same serostatus, only dream about having. Don't let HIV turn your Mr. Right into Mr. "Not Right Now Thanks."

Read through the archives pertaining to magnetic couples on this site. Hopefully you'll find the information helpful.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob


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