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How and when to tell a boyfriend im hiv+
Jan 20, 2005

I have just found out i am hiv+. I am already informing past and present sex partners of this so they can be make sure they are alright. One of these guys I believe could be "the one" ive been looking for. How do I tell someone of my status and how do I deal with being rejected solely on me being hiv+?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your recent positive diagnosis. There are no easy answers as far as exactly when and how to disclose your HIV status to your sex partners and to "the one." There are various strategies to consider, some of which I've discussed in the archives. The one strategy that I certainly don't recommend is waiting months and months to break the news. I don't believe good relationships withstand such secrecy. Consequently, I'd advise disclosing all to your honey now. If his/her status is different from yours, there are a variety of common immediate reactions that might ensue, including:

1. a caring heart-to-heart with lots of hugging and perhaps a few tears

2. "What's HIV?" (most likely if you are dating a graduate of an abstinence only sex education program)

3. a cranial meltdown and wall-punching

4. silent shock and awe

5. "See ya later." (most likely if you are dating one of those compassionate conservative Republicans)

Let's hope it's #1, but even if it's #5, just remember they are rejecting the virus, not you! Perhaps some advice from Buddha is in order (and isn't it always?): Asked how he braved his critics' insults and anger, Buddha replied, "If someone offers you a gift and you decline it, to whom does the gift belong?" I'm a bit less contemplative. If someone blows a load of rejection your way because of your HIV status, I say, "Spit, don't swallow." I wonder if I can put all that on a fortune cookie fortune?!?

Good luck! I'm here if you need me.

Dr. Bob


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