|need for closure.......
Oct 11, 2004
(i know, long post, please post for others, especially worried wells)
hello dr. bob, i would like to submit my application to the X-files. i am working on my membership dues (i.e donation) as i know it will go to a great cause. my qualifications are: did a sex worker-regular vag & oral sex (lots of fun at the time), consumed with intense worry/regret/fear after the fact, inflicted with "worried well" syndrome & paranoia, convinced i was hiv+, logged on to The Body anywhere from 1-10 hours everyday for the last month+ (i must've seen dr. bob's face a million times. i know...stalker!) and reading almost every post at least twice, just going through motions at work/home/etc., fatigue, coming close to panic/anxiety attacks, near depression, thought life was done, and then......negative Home Access test @ 100 days post sex (and by reading archives, i know you will say it is definitive, conclusive, no further testing needed, end of story, period!...right?).
for those other worried wells reading this, don't worry, what you are feeling is not unique or abnormal. situation is probably similar. i was in your same shoes, reading posts over and over trying to calm my fears and rationalize everything, all the while trying to convice myself that things would be ok and i would somehow be negative but feeling that i would be soon facing the inevitable... +. desperately trying to find THE answer that would end my fears, but never finding it completely. well, i learned a lot through this and here is what you do:
1. GET TESTED (and/or get counseling)- definitely not easy, but unfortunately no one can go back in time, what's done is done. its useless trying to go backwards and this won't "just go away". you need to know and testing is the ONLY thing that can give you the 100% answer. the worry, fear, anxiety, pain can increase with time and start to take you down, but with a simple test all of that can be relieved. the mind is very powerful, either way, peace of mind and knowing is priceless. Home Access is really easy and convienent for anonymous test and remember, the odds are in YOUR favor. 2. "Don't fall before you are pushed." Many/most/all/few/some/no symptoms DO NOT = HIV (- or +). stop poking and proding urself looking for things that may or not be there. 3. STOP reading these posts and the internet over and over again (although dr. bob is like crack-addicting). get your answers and stop. the advice/info won't change the more you read it. do something with your knowledge- get tested, counseled, go to the Dr., talk with someone, go volunteer, etc. 4. do NOT start "what if-ing". what if the condom leaked, what if she was bleeding, what if i'm the 1 in a million, what if.... Stop! "what if's" will just eat you alive. whatever happened, happened. analyzing posts will also eat you alive. "essentially non existent, low risk/no risk, neligible", etc. it's the same as what if. dont do it. 5. no, all those articles in the paper about AIDS or clips of Magic Johnson are not a "sign" that youre infected, they're coincidences. 6. listen to dr. bob (and the body)!! PROTECTED=PROTECTED, rubbers are your friend, be one with the rubber.
thank you dr. bob, i know you get tons of these emails, but you truly are SPECIAL. your + attitude, humor, knowledge, compassion are remarkable. considering the time/effort you take in reading and answering these, you deserve a medal! it must be something to read the serious, riduculous, silly, questions and also somewhat difficult to read woo hoo's. but through it all you are ever + and comforting. your services are greatly appreciated. your answers are informative, compassionate, calming, and genuine. you are the best 'expert' on this site in terms of responding and answering questions. i have defnitely learned a lot and gained a better compassion and understanding of the disease and the uphill battle in finding a cure. let's continue to educate, advocate, and fight this disease! you know this already, but when you go to bed tonight dr. bob, please know that you genuinely helped and touched a fellow human being (and probably thousands of others).
and finally, one more qualification for membership. for you dr. bob: A man passed away and went to Heaven. Standing in front of St. Peter, he saw a huge wall of clocks. He asked, "what are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "those are lie clocks. everyone on earth has a lie clock. every time you lie, the hands on your clock move."
"oh", said the man, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Theresa's, The hands never move- she never lies."
"incredible! and whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "that's Abe Linclon's, the hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only 2 lies his entire life."
"where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man. St. Peter laughed and responded, "Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. he's using it as a ceiling fan!"
thanks, dr. bob, i await your word on approval of my membership to the x-files! continue your great work and stay well.
sincerely, Pu In Sai in paradise (put in side)
Response from Dr. Frascino
Excellent Bushwhacker joke! After watching last night's debate, it's becoming increasingly clear: John Kerry is an EXCEPTIONAL person. As for George W. Bush, well, he's a SPECIAL person.
Paradise-Guy, I'm delighted to welcome you to full membership status in our X-Files with all the rights and privileges afforded so many other former, guilt-obsessed, painfully-paranoid, anxiety-ridden, despairingly-depressed, fanatically-fearful worried wells! As always, membership dues are optional.
Next, in light of your insightful comments, compassion, generosity, humor, and Bush-bashing, you can stalk me anytime!
Now that you've informed the current guilt-obsessed, painfully-paranoid, anxiety-ridden, despairingly-depressed, fanatically-fearful worried wells that you were once "in their shoes," I'm hopeful they will soon be able to "put their elves in your shoes" . . . (oh, you know what I mean) . . . and join you in X-File paradise. You're absolutely correct: peace of mind priceless!
Now as for my going to bed tonight knowing I "touched a fellow human being," Steve's quite hopeful that that will be him! And as for touching "thousands of others," hmmm, if we're expecting that much company, we're going to need a bigger bed.
Stay well, Paradise-Guy. Welcome to the club!
Woohoo Woohoo Wooho
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