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Sep 9, 2002

Hi bob im a maried man and last monthe 5/Ags/2002 i had my first gay relation with a 21yr old man and is relation least for 3 days we were doing almost every thing and i fucked him tow times without using protection but he didnot do it to me after these three days he told me that he was HIV infected he also told me is in the low range ... and i was very scared ... today i had my test after one month from the exposure and it was negative , my quistion im i still uder the risk of been positive ...please anser me soon because since then i did not tuche my wife because im afried of transfering HIV to her... and at the same time i have no more reasons to give exsplanig my self away from her... please tell me what to do and save my life.

Response from Dr. Frascino


I don't know if I can save your life over the Internet, but at least I'll try to give you some direction on what to do, OK?

Your risk is "doing almost everything," including insertive anal intercourse without protection, but not receptive anal sex with an HIV-positive guy. OK, this type of exposure is significant and I certainly would recommend you have an HIV test 3 months after the last exposure. There are a few things that are in your favor for hopefully remaining HIV-negative: 1) You didn't have anal receptive intercourse, 2) Your partner's viral load was low (I assume this is what you mean by "in the low range"), and 3) Your 1-month HIV test is negative. However, again, it's the 3-month test that counts.

Now what about your wife? How do you explain (or as you say, "exsplanis") this? Several options come to mind. First, you could tell her the truth. Scary as that sounds, the truth is usually the best way to go. You may need to evaluate what led you to this gay relationship in the first place. Ultimately, we all need to search for happiness and health. If you are gay, you may need some help coming to terms with that and what that means for you personally and for your marriage. Therapy or counseling may help. The fact that this sounded like a fairly passionate affair that lasted 3 days is what leads me to make these suggestions. If you prefer to remain secretive about this episode, you'll need to use condoms with your wife, at least until you get your 3-month HIV test results. How you explain this to her is up to you. I hope this helps. We'll all keep our fingers crossed that your 3-month test will remain negative.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

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