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Completely Exhausted !
Jan 13, 2002

Dear Dr. Bob,

Thanks for the wonderful service you do on this site with your compassionate and humorous answers, and the great work your foundation does. I've found your past answers to be helpful and supportive - and now I find myself writing to your with a question I know really belongs in Ryan's forum. I've tried several times to send the question to him, but he hasn't had a chance to answer me, so I'm hoping you can help me.

I am a Swede in my early thirties, happily married and living in NYC with my Swedish wife. Late last summer I was in Bangkok on business, and I strayed for the first (and last - the time since has been hell with the anxiety and all!!) time in my life. My wife is a fantastic person, but I cannot tell her about this - this is the only thing she would not understand - she'd divorce me in a heartbeat.

I had sex with a Thai bar girl, mostly protected, but I did have some touching/rubbing of her inner vaginal lips (which were wet) with my penis prior to putting on the condom, and I did perform brief oral sex on her. I've been cursing myself ever since, and I'm exhausted from having troble sleeping at night with the anxiety and guilt and all.

I've had negative results after 10 weeks, and next week I'm going for my 16 week test. I also tested negative for Chlamydia, Gonhorrea and Syphilies - twice.

My big dilemma is whether I can be reasonable safe in resuming sex with my wife (unprotected) if the 16 week test comes back negative. She really wants another child (so do I), and she's getting curious and upset as to why I won't have sex with her. If you can please offer some guidance I would be ever greatful. Hey, if you think we can resume and we do manage to have a boy, Robert would be a pretty good name choice don't you think?

Thanks again and God Bless!

Praying for another chance at Fatherhood

Response from Dr. Frascino

Dear "Praying for another chance at fatherhood,"

Well, no sex for 16 weeks? I'd be getting upset, too, if I were your wife!

So, let's see what we can do to get you back on the road to fatherhood. Your exposure was relatively low - essentially protected intercourse, brief oral sex on a woman. You tested negative at 10 weeks. If you're 16-week test is negative, I'd say you are beyond reasonably safe. If you have any lingering doubts, ask your doctor to order an HIV PCR test in conjunction with your next antibody test. If this is negative too, I'd suggest you immediately take your Swedish wife on a very romantic get-away and make up for the past 16 weeks!

Try not to be too hard on yourself about your Bangkok adventure. We are all human - that means we all make mistakes. Life only runs in one direction. You sound like a very devoted husband and wonderful dad. I've got a good feeling about this one. I'm fairly sure you'll indeed be negative and I'm really looking forward to having a future "little Robert" running around NYC. He'll most likely grow up to be the Ambassador to Sweden.

Write back if we can be of further service. And don't forget you owe your wife 16 weeks of extra nookie. Luck you! Lucky her!

Best of luck and God bless you too!

Dr. Bob


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