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my partner is positive and i am not.
Jun 21, 1999


i am a 34 y o negative gay man involved with a 35 y o positive gay man. he has been + for close to 9 years. he didnt tell me about it until i had known him for a while, but we did practice safe sex and i always have in the past. we had a few problems and his condition came out as part of our problem. i accepted him and his condition because i am very much in love with him and i cant turn my back on him as it has happened to him in the past. thats why he said he was afraid to tell me. but by him telling me about it did not affect the way i felt about him one bit. we sat down and discussed every thing i need to know. i wasnt about to turn my back on someone that i loved some much. after we talked he had to go to work and thats when i broke down and cried the rest of the night until he returned. i did tell my best freind about it and he told me that there is always help out there, and if i really loved him and wanted to be with him that loving him and caring for him would be the best thing i could do.. he does belong to a support group and i go with him every chance i can. i really dont think about him being +, but its always in the back of my mind. i havent told my family about his condition. eventually i will have to but for now its not important. he is in good health now. i know that this will take its toll on me as well as it will him, but i told him i will be there for him.

i dont feel that it was a choice that i made, because my heart was set on him no matter what.

thanks for listening.

Response from Dr. Remien

Even though you did not actually ask a question I am posting what you wrote becuase you are not alone in the situation and feelings you describe and I believe it could be helpful for others to "listen" as well. It is true that we don't typically "choose" who we love - it just happens. And when HIV enters the picture things are challenged, but if there is love, then we don't run away. As you say, support is really important - and that goes for both of you. That is why the issue of disclosure to others may be important so that the needed support can be had.

Take care and thanks for sharing your feelings with others.

Husband + 12 years, wife - 8 years

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