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hiv destroyed my marriage
Nov 22, 1999

i have been married for 13 years and my husband found out he is hiv in 1997 well with all the stress and everything that goes with hiv my marriage is ending i dont have sex with him anymore i am scared we dont talk to one another and i find myself going out alot so i dont have to deal with it at home he is very mean to me says its my fault that he got sick by the way i am negative and that i am making him more sick because i am not home i am the only one working and i work alot to pay for everything that we need i dont want to hurt him but i am miserable and everyone says talk to a counsler i am through with this marriage he is really mean to me , ive tried and ive tried ,we dont sleep together and havent in 2 years ive tried for all these years to help him and be there for him but he never showed any feelings for me at all i know that he is sick and for that i am very sorry but i need my life back also and how do i do that without hurting him he wants to go back to europe where he is from and is waiting for his passport i will always love him just not the same please give me some advice...............thank you

Response from Dr. Remien

It sounds to me like you need to take care of yourself. Your description sounds like your husband is very unfair and abusive to you. And it seems that your friends think so too. I also suggest that you talk with a counselor and get the support and help that you need to take care of yourself, to not put up with the abuse, and to get on with your life. It sounds like he is primarily thinking of himself and doing what he wants for himself. You need to think about your needs and move in the direction of caring for yourself.


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