Dear Dr Remien,

I found out a few days ago that my partner and the loved one has an HIV+ status even though we are thousands of miles apart. The situation is being complicated as I am Russian and my partner is French, we met in London last year and fell in love, stayed together for 3 month both working. After that I had to go back to Russia as my visa has expired. He visited me in Russia and everything was wonderful, we were trying to find a way to be together, practised safe sex all the time while I was not aware of his status (I do have a few concerns now but it's too early to worry about myself). At the end of the day I ended up in Russia and recently went to visit him for a month. We had a great time together. Obviously he wanted to have a good time and did not tell me until I nearly had to go back to Russia. I don't blame him for that, it must have been very difficult for him but he should have known that I would not turn my back on him because I love him. I am not sure of my status now but it was negative in February when I last tested. I just want to know what I can do for him apart from being close (unfortunately immigration laws ask for proof of 2 years under the same roof which we don't have), he was a bit irritated over the month we spent together and I know now why. In July it will be 7 years since he's been infected and he would have to start to take medicine soon as CD4 count dropped to 200. Please advise how I can ease his tension. I know that I should not cry but I cannot stop this happening being a very sensitive person.

I don't know if you are in a position to "ease his tension," as you put it. He will need to go through his own emotions regarding his HIV status and learn to cope with that. You can, however, continue to offer him the love, support, concern, and reassurance that you are already providing. It is also important for you to get any help and support you may need for yourself.

Take care.