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HIV - and dealing with anger and viagra
Jun 4, 2000

Dear Dr. Remien, My partner is HIV-Positive, I am HIV-Negative, we have or rather I am having trouble dealing with my anger, not totally at him, but this disease. He has been very weak lately and is now on disability, my anger surges every time I come home from school(college)/work and the house is a disaster, I know he's weak and has very little energy, but I get so upset I can't see straight. I love him very much, and in my head I understand, but my emotional response is getting out of control. Also, he has tried Viagra, it seemed to work once, but he still has problems, he enjoys "getting me off", but I also enjoy being active in the act more than being the recipient. Is there anything that we as a couple can do to help satisfy his sexual desires or rather mine? Charles

Response from Dr. Remien

Let me start off by saying that your anger at this disease is normal and to be expected. It is forcing both of you to deal with a great deal of loss. I'm sure you are very much mourning the loss of the healthier and more vital boyfriend that you had. It may be very helpful for you and perhaps both of you to seek some professional help and support. This might be in the form of support group, individual, and/or couples counseling. And if not already done, make sure that your partner has been evaluated for depression and other conditions such as testosterone deficiency. It may be possible that he is not receiving treatment that could help improve his functioning and quality of life. He may also qualify for concrete services, such as home health-care to assist with personal care and house maintenance. Any or all of these things may help improve your sex lives. Finally, more direct discussion of sex issues with a counselor may facilitate you and him being able to come up with some solutions to help improve things and bring about greater satisfaction for both of you.

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