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how to help ease my boyfriends fears
Jul 29, 2006

hello, My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over a year and things are going well other than some people in the family don't want us together because he is HIV possitive and I am not. However he makes me very happy and I wil not allow anyone to come between that. Which brings me to my problem. He is not very intimate even with kissing its just pecks and to be honest if that is all will will ever have I can live with it because I love him that much. But he says everytime after we are together he worries for weeks. We practice very safe sex which comes very easy for me because it has always been somthing I have done and I do get tested I just wish there was some way to help ease his fear. thank you for your time.

Response from Dr. Remien

It is not unusual for there to be a lack of support from family and friends for your relationship. And I would suggest that this is because they care about you, your health, and your well-being. With that said, I also think that it is unfortunate and that there is a great deal of myths, false assumptions, and lack of knowledge and experience on the part of many people about what it means to be HIV+ in this day and age, in settings where there is decent access to good healthcare and treatment. I think this will get better with time.

It is also not unusual for the person living with HIV to be very anxious and hyper-vigilant about transmitting the virus to someone that they love and care about. Here also, communication and time usually helps. However, I recommend that you and he go together to speak with a mental health counselor about these matters. There you can try to sort out the issues of knowledge about, and comfort with, safer sex practices, sex and communication about the sex between the two of you, and other possible issues we are not aware of. So while, this is not unusual, it is also important that this be addressed in the hopes that you can have comfortable, satisfying, and safe sexual intimacy between the two of you.


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