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found out partner is pos, he hasnt told me yet!
May 27, 2005

i heard from a guy that my partner is pos! I was shocked and went into denial considering, that before we ever hooked up I asked "the question" and he said he was fine! But I know from this guy he has known for much longer that he is HIV positive. (i am negative) To be sure I did some investigation and found bottles of compisir and something called crixiuan. He never talks about it (obviously) his friends dont talk about it. It seems to be a non issue in his life. We have never had unprotected sex. I feel upset he hasnt told me, but not sure how to bring it up.i dont want him to feel bad. I think he knows I know. I dont know what to do. ONe of my best friends is positive and I am having a really hard time with this. I feel alot of guilt for not being positve. How can I broach the subject without upsetting him?

Response from Dr. Remien

I recommend that you bring it up with him in a direct, but respectful way. Let him know that you are aware of his positive status and that since you and he are in an intimate relationship you think it is important to be able to speak with him about it. I'm not sure what you meant when you said you "asked the question and he said he was fine." People living with HIV can "be fine." Don't beat around the bush and use euphemisms - be direct and clear about what you want to talk about. This does not mean that talking about HIV needs to be intense and constant. It is usually important for people living with HIV that it be a "normalized" thing and that it not be a constant focus of attention. But that does not mean it should be "secretive" between people who are in an intimate relationship.


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