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Tellor not to tell
May 1, 2005

Hi Doc

Im in a very serious predicament. Feb 19 2005 I tested positive. My present partner and I always use a condom. He is not the one who infected me is my ex. The problem is that I don't know how to tell him. The reason is that my partner is very close to my Family and by disclosing to him, i feel that i will be disclosing to the whole family and I'm not ready for that now. I have embraced my status, very positive about life in general, no stress nothing. What do I do?

Response from Dr. Remien

Disclosure of a positive HIV status can be very challenging for some people. However, I generally believe it is important for this information to be shared in intimate relationships. If he is currently your boyfriend and this is an ongoing relationship he deserves to know. I also believe that it is only a matter of time before he will find out. It is best that you be the one to tell him and I would suggest the sooner, the better. If a lot of time passes before letting him know, there will be a greater chance of strong feelings of anger and mistrust on his part. When you tell him, let him know that you are sharing this information with him in confidence and let him know the reasons that you are not yet ready to tell your family. Ask that he support you and to maintain this confidence. He also may be able to offer some advice about how and when to tell other people in your life, including your family - and hopefully, he can be supportive of you.

Having a baby with a positive man
Husband HIV+, wife worried

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