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sex = guilt/negative partner
Dec 5, 2004

I have been HIV+ a long time. I knew when I started seeing my (HIV-) partner that it would be a chronic worry - yet we have been together for 10 years now. And I was right; infecting him has been a constant source of worry and guilt for me. We have an "open relationship" - lately what this means is that I have sex with other HIV+ men. I love the freedom this gives me - the lack of fear that I will be the one to infect them. (And yes, we all know about the risks of reinfection, and make our informed choices about that.)

So what's the problem? Well, now I get to feel guilty about having more satisfying sex with other men.

What's the way out? The way I feel now, I'd rather just jerk off and not have sex with ANYbody.

Response from Dr. Remien

What you describe is a familiar challenge for people in your situation and by the way, is not unique to HIV serodiscordant couples. If the two of you have agreed to have an "open relationship" then you need to really ask yourself why you feel guilty about having satisfying sex with other men. Isn't that the point of having an open relationship? How does your partner feel about it? Discussing this with him may be insightful to you and helpful to the both of you. Also, it may be important for the two of you to work on also having satisfying sex with each other - that is not impossible just because you are "HIV serodiscordant."

Lack of intimacy since diagnosis
i feel toxic/pos man with negative partner

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