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hiv+ leaves neg partner for status
Jun 19, 2004

Hi, I met a guy last summer and we fell incredibily in love with each other. He was very honest and told before the first intimate encounter about his hiv+ status. I'm a guy too and negative. Over the summer romance he had to move away and started his PhD and being a foreigner I couldn't move imediately to his place 'cause of visa problems. we were so involved in each other that we even wanted to marry. now, having the possibility to move together he started suddenly to back up and finally broke up the relationship after 9 months of long distance. we had some problems because of the long distance relationsship and his heavy load of studying. However, whenever we were together we realized that problems are mostly because of the seperation. We hardly didn't speak about the hiv+ issue, my ex only meant, the virus wouldn't kill him. i felt comfy too when i was together with him. when i was seperated from him i started to feel uncomfortable a little bit. But that wasn't a big deal, we had safe sex. Now, he broke up with me and it is almost not understandable for me. I have the feeling that my hiv- status might be an important reason for him for the seperation too, that he preferred to date somebody positive. Are there experiences that hiv+ guys break up with their partners because of their negative status and what could be the reasons? Do you now literature/experiences to read?

Response from Dr. Remien

As your story portrays, people choose to end relationships for a whole host of reasons. And there are often numerous challenges to having a relationship, such as distance, work or study stress, etc. HIV status differences can create special challenges in a relationship or can have nothing to do with two people breaking up.

It is not uncommon for HIV+ people to prefer to be in a relationship with another person who is also positive, just as some HIV- people prefer a negative partner. Some HIV+ people find it easier to be involved with another HIV+ person than with an HIV- person. There is less anxiety and worry about transmitting the virus. They also feel that the other person can relate better to what it is like to live with HIV.


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