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Is this how I should "be" in my relationship?
May 19, 2004

I am in a very serious relationship with a HIV poz. man. We get along great and sex is great! My problem is that I read articles about how you should talk about the illness everyday and never forget or let it slip your mind. I have weekends where we have a great time and I don't think about his illness. Is this a bad approach? I don't think about the virus everytime I see him and I don't worriy about it every minute of every day. Should I be more worried or am I just well adjusted? By the way, he is in great health, undetectable, and gorgeous!! Any advice would be most welcome!! Thanks!

Response from Dr. Remien

It sounds to me like you have adjusted quite nicely and are dealing with your situation in a healthy way. In my experience it is important for couples to be able to talk about HIV and all of the related feelings and concerns and also commit to mutual care taking, including consistent use of protection to prevent HIV transmission in the relationship. Then I think it is important to be able to live your life with pleasure and a sense of normalcy. "HIV serodiscordance" is just one of many characteristics that define who you are as a couple. Thinking and worrying about HIV all of the time is unnecessary and not particularly healthy, in my opinion.


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