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mixed status couple falling in love
Apr 2, 2004

I met a guy several months ago. We have become wonderful friends during this period of time. He told me he was HIV + the very first time I even spoke with him, which amazingly caused to me to have a great deal of respect for him. During this time period(4 months), we both have become incredibly attracted to each other and have numerous similarities that make us "click" even more. I have become very well informed regarding HIV and he is very open to me about his condition, emotions, etc. I am falling in love with him, and he is as well. I have decided that I can handle a mixed status relationship with him, unconditionally, but he seems leary to "trust" this. I have learned that HIV does not define whom he is and that he in fact is more in touch with reality and my feelings than any man I have been with in the past 12 years. He treats me wonderfully as a person and I just want him to know that I will stand by him through "issues", as he has me. My question is this, how can I make him understand that I am truly genuine in what I say and feel. For the most part, aside from our strong attraction, we are best friends and would never want anything to ever change this. Am I crazy for thinking that this could be the man of my dreams? I don't see him as someone who is sick at all, but yet I am not in denial either. I am sorry to ramble on and would appreciate any oppinion that you have. Thank you. P.S. Your site is the best I have come across. Thanks for helping me become totally informed and God Bless!!

Response from Dr. Remien

From your description, it sounds like you and this man are developing a wonderful loving relationship with each other. And it sounds to me like you are already letting him know that your feelings are genuine. In many new relationships, HIV or no HIV, people can fear that it is all too good to be true and can fear it will not last. Your relationship is still relatively new. It takes time for both people to trust each other and trust themselves in the relationship. Continuing to be open, honest, and close to each other, over time, will help reassure you both - if things continue to be good between you. But again, this takes time.

I don't really know what you mean by "the man of your dreams," but you are not crazy to find yourself falling in love with someone who is HIV+, especially if you sense that the feelings that are developing are mutual. You are correct when you say that HIV does not define a person - it is one of many characteristics of a person. So keep doing what you are doing and see where it leads. And thanks for your kind comments about the site.


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