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Telling a new date you're hiv +
Jul 8, 2003

First of all I have to say this is the most informative site on HIV that I've seen and it's great. The best advice I've received on telling a new date that you're hiv+ is to do it BEFORE you have sex. This gives the person a choice to decide if your being hiv+ is something they can deal with or not. He or she will respect you more because you didn't take their ability to choose away from them by having sex first and telling them you're hiv+ later. How to tell is different for each person but a good guideline is to select a semi-private setting you're comfortable with and say with confidence that you have something of a sensitive nature to talk about. A good guideline for that would be something like "I have something very sensitive to tell you and it's about my health.....I'm hiv positive". By saying "sensitive" you're setting the tone and letting him/her know their receiving private information. Another idea to keep in mind when telling a potential mate is when you tell him/her, make sure you do it with absolute confidence. If you have issues with your status, it's more than likely the person will sense it and reject you. By exhibiting strength and confidence, your chances of being accepted unconditionally are much greater. I hope this helps by giving you ideas to think about to make what seems very awkward, less awkward. Until there's a cure, keep up the good work!

Response from Dr. Remien

Thank you for your comments. Your advice is excellent and I hope that others gain insight and strength from your suggestions. You are right when you say that everyone is different, thus disclosure will be different for different people in different contexts. But your advice should be helpful to many people. Obviously you have learned a lot from direct experiences in this matter.

totally desperate
what do I do when I really love him

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