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Boyfriend just told me
Apr 11, 2003

I'm - and my boyfriend told me that he is +. WOW, i live in Ireland, HIV is a taboo subject. We have been dating for about a month and decided that we would commit to each other about a week after going out. I'm not in love with him yet, but I really do like him. I'm scared, but I do want to be with him. I'm afraid that our relationship will progress and emotionally i will become attached. I'm scared of the loss, this morning i have been reading all the questions and answers on this website and it scared me. What should I do, i want to support him and told him I would. We are going to visit his counsellor together. Am I being selfish? I'm 25 and he is 32, funny georgous ect. I know if I told my family about his condition they would have a problem with me dating him. I suppose i feel lonenly and he asked me not to tell anyone about it. But i need to talk to someone. Thanks Doc, great site by the way.

Response from Dr. Remien

You are not alone with all the feelings you are having. Most people in your situation would feel similarly and have the same questions and concerns that you have. The good news is that more and more people are living longer and healthier lives with HIV than when the epidemic first started. And we know a lot about behaviors that are risky for transmission and ways of preventing transmission of the virus to uninfected partners. However, as you know, that doesn't mean people like you don't get anxious. And it is very important that you get some support for yourself.

There is no good reason to think that you cannot continue with this relationship and be able to have a long-term satisfying and healthy relationship. It is good that you are seeing his counselor. You are not being selfish. You should also consider seeing someone that you alone can talk to about all the feelings you are having. It is also important that you have someone, or perhaps more than one person in your life, that you can confide in and talk to about your situation, besides a counselor. Your boyfriend needs to understand that this may be important to you. Discuss it with him and also with a counselor that you are talking with and then think about who is the best person(s) in your life to confide in so that you can begin to get the support that you need and deserve.


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