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Mixed status gay adoption
Mar 2, 2001

Dear Dr.

I have just recently learned that I am positive and full blown AIDS based on my t-cell and viral load. I am totally without symptoms at this point and have started a cocktail. My partner is still testing negative.

My question: I have always dreamed of raising a child or children, my partner was receptive to this before I tested positive, we have not discussed it since. Am I being selfish to even consider adopting a child? Would it even be possible?

I am not looking to do this in the immediate future, but I am 38 and my partner 36, so I am not looking to wait too long either.

Thanks for your thoughts

Response from Dr. Remien

I don't believe you are being selfish for wanting to adopt a child. While it is true that living with HIV adds a special layer of "uncertainty" about the future, the future is always uncertain. Clearly, this is a decision that both you and your partner need to face together. If you both are serious about wanting to adopt a child, you will have to look into your options and all of the challenges that go along with the adoption process and then caring for that child. I cannot say how "possible" it is for the two of you to do this. I am not an expert on adoption issues, but do know that it is never an "easy" process for any couple. Different adoption agencies have different qualifications for the "parents to be." Gay couples still have a particularly hard time doing this because of the unfortunate prejudices against them. You'll have to do a lot of homework, if you are serious about this. I suggest you seek advice from other gay couples who have done this or from advocacy groups that can offer you advice. Good luck with pursuing your dreams.


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