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at a loss
Nov 27, 2002

doctor, my partner of 12 yrs was just diagnosed with aids (several aids defining o.i.'s hit him at once in may 2002. he has been treated for o.i.'s and is now responding well to haart. i am negative- which is just luck of the draw as we have praticed unsafe sex for the whole time we were together because we assumed we were neg. - he must have tested before sero con. right before he met me. anyway, he just told me last night that he is leaving me. he feels like haart has given him a new lease on life and he wants to now be single because he feels by being with someone he is limiting his possibilities. we ALWAYS dreamed of getting old together. my heart is breaking. i would never want him to feel anything less than fulfilled in life but now all of a sudden i am out after 12 yrs. is this a common reaction for someone diagnosed with a life changing disease? i havent stopped crying, i am a total mess. did this disease rob me too? any thoughts would be appreciated

Response from Dr. Remien

While this isn't necessarily "common" it is also not "rare." People diagnosed with a life-threatening illness often have second thoughts about how they are currently living their lives and consider radical changes in their current situation. They do not necessarily always act upon these thoughts. Your partner may or may not have more changes in his feelings and may yet re-consider his planned actions. In the meantime, it sounds like you are quite upset and could benefit from some supportive counseling of your own. I suggest you go and speak with someone to help you cope with these issues and for you to consider all of your own options about how you want to live your life. Time will tell what actually happens between you and this man. Take care of yourself.


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