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love my pos. husband very much-not attracted sexually
Apr 10, 2002

My husband is in the latter stages of AIDS, but recently doing a lot better! Thank God. He is now asking for sex all of the time, and I don't have the urge at all (I am neg). I feel terrible about it, because I want to make him happy, but I have no longing for sex. I don't know if subconsciously I am scared, or if it is because he doesn't look healthy and attractive to me. Please help me to let my husband know I love him!

Response from Dr. Remien

While you do find yourself in a challenging situation, I think the only advice I or anyone can give you is simple and basic. You simply need to communicate to your husband that you do love him and care about him and his well-being. You can also be honest about your lack of sexual interest. It is generally not something you can fake, nor should you feel that you need to. It is what it is, whatever the exact cause(s).

Communication is key. Be honest and open with him. There are many things that go into a relationship, and many ways of expressing love and caring. Sometimes sex is not a priority in the expression of love. Again, talk with him and tell him how you feel. Then see what both of you want to do about the problem you face: he is interested in sex right now and you are not. Neither of your positions is more or less valid than the other's. If you care about each other, I trust you can learn to cope with this difference.


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