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Sex with a HIV+ partner what can I do?
Mar 18, 2002

I have been seeing a guy for about 3 months now and it has come to the point that we are both ready to "consumate" our relationship. He is pos and I am neg. The problem that I am having is that I know that we have to practice safe sex, but I don't know what else we can do! Oral sex? "Swallow"? Rimming? What if I have had a tooth pulled? Can we still kiss then? What CAN we do and what do we NOT do. I care so much for him but I do not want to become pos myself. At the same time I want to stay with him but don't want to live like a monk either!?! Can you please help me. Thank you sooo much!!

Response from Dr. Remien

Ultimately it is up to you and your partner as to what you feel comfortable doing and/or not doing. The behaviors you mention all carry "relative" risk. Please spend a little bit of time on the "Safe Sex and HIV Prevention" Forum of The Body's website. You can also to get safer sex information from a local community based organization in your area that deals with HIV and other STD prevention. Oral sex carries significantly lower risk than unprotected anal or vaginal sex, but it is not zero risk. When ejaculation and swallowing is involved the risk is increased, and is also increased when there has been dental work and/or there are any open wounds in the mouth. Rimming carries significant risk for other STDs (e.g., Hepatitis). Again, please read up on all of these things - there is a lot of information about these things on the other Forum. But the bottom line will always be what level of risk you AND your partner are comfortable with. You're right to want to be able to live your lives with some level of sexual satisfaction and intimacy while also staying healthy. Take care.

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