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how to release his fear
Jan 1, 2002

First, sorry for my bad english. I'm from Spain. I meet an american man one year ago. We get sentimental relations and save sex. But he is really afraid. I'm in his heart but i must to arrive to his brain and help him to understand that is possible to have a good sexual relations with erotism, satisfaction and enjoy our bodies. I must to educate him that to have HIV is not a dead sentence. We have a long distance relation so, of course, we have not sex often. He always think in this small risk, that exist even having save sex and this block him. When we meet first time, in my country, he went to an english doctor (language questions) but he was not an expert, he was only a family doctor in a small village and explain him in a very dramatic way. I know speaking is the best way, and we do it but, just e-mailing is very complicate. I know is not an easy relation but im sure finally i have find THE MAN and i'll fight for him against everything. He have tell me now (after one year) that he wants to learn more about HIV, so we are on the right way, i can give him a bunch of medical information but i need a suplementary psycological help how to educate him, how release his fear. He loves me and is mad of desire for me but... fear is powerfull. Pleas help me.

Response from Dr. Remien

He will have to deal with his fears and concerns in his own time. Information is the starting point and necessary for him to cope with the "psychological" aspects of involving himself with someone with HIV. Having fears and concerns is normal, especially if he has had little experience with this kind of thing. It would probably be helpful for him to talk to other people - either people who are familiar with HIV and others who have been in relationships with people living with HIV, or with a trained counselor. He may also find useful advice from websites like this one where he can read how other people deal with their feelings in this matter. You may want to direct him to these things, but let him then proceed on his own. You cannot force the issue for him - too much direct pressure from you may turn him away. Be patient and give him time. If his feelings for you are true and strong, he should be able to work through his fears.

Buena suerte y ten cuidado.


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