We just found out that my husband was hiv+ the end of March we have gone to the doctors and had all the tests and thank God I am negitive. My husband is on meds with a cd4 of 250 and viral lod of 14,500. I knew about an affair he had a year and a half ago and we thought that is were he contacted it. At the last doctors visit we were told he had it anywhere from 4 to 12 years which was a complete shock. My problem is he will not talk about where he possibly got it from and when he refuses to discuss it with me and it is driving me crazy not knowing. I am looking into councling for myself but it is very difficult living with this and not knowing what he has been doing for all these years. I have so many different thoughts in my head and whenever I ask him to discuss it with me we just end up fighting over it. Do you have any suggestions on how I can get him to open up and discuss this with me and tell me the truth. I love this man and want to spend the rest of our lives together but this not knowing is driving me crazy. And since we have found out about the hiv we are always fighting. Can you please help

It seems that you are in a challenging situation with all of this. I am pleased to hear that you are looking into counseling for yourself. I strongly encourage you to follow through with that. It could prove to be of tremendous benefit to you. You should also discuss with your counselor the possibility of you and your husband speaking with someone (a counselor) together. It doesn't necessarily have to be an ongoing couples therapy, but meeting with someone who does couples therapy could be very helpful. In the meantime, you should continue to let your husband know that you love him, that you want to spend your life with him, and that you want him to share things with you in an honest and open fashion (if those things are true). It may take some time before certain things can be talked about, but if it is not too pressured, I believe you both will be able to talk about difficult things. So, get the support and guidance that you deserve and try to move forward with your husband in a supportive and timely way. Good luck and be well.