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Ask the Experts about Mixed-HIV-Status Couples
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Need to know how to proceed
Mar 23, 2002

I have met the most wonderful man who told me he was HIV+ and I know that took alot of guts to tell me that as I could have rejected him. He has been hurt so many times before that it has take this man along time to warm up to me. What I want to know is how to make him see that I really like him and would like to take this relationship further than hugs and kisses? I do not want to push him to much for having a more intimate relationship if he is not ready. I feel that I am missing something with out more intimacy.

Response from Dr. Remien

get closer to each other. If he has been hurt many times before he may need to proceed very slowly and cautiously, and this will require considerable patience on your part. Just HOW slow and HOW long this will take I cannot say. Each of you needs to be considerate of each other's needs, as well as your own. This means you both need to be willing to listen to what the other person is asking for, but that means each of you needs to let each other know how you are really feeling. Ongoing communication is important. Eventually you will need to decide if this man is truly interested in having a close relationship with you. I imagine you can only go so long without feeling that the relationship is going somewhere and that intimacy is indeed growing. So I guess I am saying that while you may need to be patient with this man, you can only do so for so long. If he is ultimately unwilling or unable to open himself up to you and treat you with love and respect, you may need to move on.



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