Dr. Remien, I have been infected for 10 1/2 years, and was with my ex-partner for the last three of them. Everything was going fine until I became ill with some very hard to diagnos problems. I was in the hospital six times in threee momths. To top it off I had 5 small siezures that ended with two grad mal siezures. I was in a coma for 24 hours and confused about where I was for the next 24 hours, along with temporary paralisis of my upper body.

It seems to have been the last straw for David to handle. He did not understand how I could become so ill and then bounce back. And not knowing who he was also sent him for a major trip.

We are no longer together and our love still keeps us in contact. This is not in a co-dependant type of way, but this is true love. What can I do to help him deal with AIDS and the rollercoaster to maybe come together as a couple again?

Sincerely, paul

I'm sorry to say that there probably is not a lot that you can do directly to help HIM deal with AIDS. And you are not alone in coping with this situation. Unfortunately, some people have great difficulty coping with a partner who is experiencing serious illness. He needs to seek information and find support that can help him cope - if he is willing to do that. If he is so frightened by being close to you given the past reality, and future potential, for serious illness, you are probably not the person to help him through that. You can be supportive to him and available(as it seems you are being) and try to be not be too demanding. However, the ball is in his court to deal with the challenges of being in an intimate relationship with the threat of illness.

Similarly, it must be hard for you at times to cope with the "rollercoaster" ride. The uncertainty and unpredictable nature of this disease can be very challenging. However, you do deserve to have good quality of life and loving and supportive relationships. Do what you need to do to have those things in your life.