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Ask the Experts about Mixed-HIV-Status Couples
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I love him, but he scares me
Jul 4, 2002

I was diagnosed with Hiv in Sept. of 1997 and I let my children's father know about my diagnosis right after I was able to speak again in complete sentences without crying. In turn he threatened to kill me, I was scared and he was sent to jail! Now in Feb.1999 he was released from jail we hooked back up, and I asked him to get tested, he did and he was negative. In that same year we were married. Now it's almost 3years later he hasn't been retested and I think he's having an affair. Now because of what I already have I don't want to have sex with him anymore because I don't want my situation to worsen! Now because he married me and I was positive and he was not, I feel like I owe him my all, but what about me and my fears. I'm stressed all the time about this and I'm afraid of getting sick and I'm doing real well with my meds! Please help me because I do love my husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Response from Dr. Remien

You do not "owe him your all" just because he married you. You have every right to feel safe in your relationship and to maintain your physical and mental health. I highly recommend that you speak with a mental health counselor to get support and to come up with strategies to reduce your stress and maintain your health and well-being.



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