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I'm dying and soooooo scared; I love life. Life is a gift. Remember that this virus is deadly.
May 16, 2002

Dr Dezube; The doctors told me that my cancer is too aggressive and developed a mutation that is resistant to treatment. They told they have nothing more for me and that I have 3 months. I'm so scared and don't know what to expect. What will cancer do to me. At present I'm still week from high dose chemotherapy last month.The cancer is in one lymphnode in my neck. Dr Dezube I fought so hard nearly two years to live and I don't want to die, I love life so much. How do I find the same strength to die that I did for fighting this. I'm only 40, this is so unfair. To those of you who read this, remember this virus is deadly, take your meds, live a balanced life, stay healthy because when you are told that your life is ending, it's so hard. Life is a gift" Thank you Dr Dezube for your support over the years,John.

Response from Dr. Dezube

Dear John, My heart goes out to you. You are not alone. How does one deal with one's impending death? First let's acknowledge that life really is unfair. You have done nothing (repeat nothing) to deserve your fate. I pray that you will not face this alone. Call in your support system (friends, family). This is the time for them to reach out to you (hopefully they have already done so). Your oncology team should be able to guarantee you a painless passage. Although three months is not a long time, it may be long enough to accomplish certain goals (resolve differences with others, reach out to others, and so on). Seek spiritual counsel if this is appropriate for you. And yes, I too would be scared. I wish I could say that I have never walked this last mile with a patient, but alas you are correct when you write "remember this virus is deadly" for indeed it is. Your last statement has sooooooo much wisdom in it. Thank you for sharing this. My very best. BD.

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