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I don't believe that I will survive my recurrent lymphoma!
Dec 24, 2001

Dr Dezube, Do you have any patients that have had 2 reoccurences of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma(NHL) within 14 months.I currently am through the 3rd round of chemo. I get a gallium scan next week,my last gallium was negative in July, yet in October I was riddled with NHL again so I don't feel any comfort with a negative scan result. Deep inside myself I don't believe that I will survive this. It's so stressful living with this illness. I am pushing for a stem cell transplant, but is it common for people to have recurrent illness. My highest VL was 5000 and my CD4 count is 234 to 290. I just don't believe any more that I will ever get well. And if you have never been ill, you don't know what it really like being in my body with all those chemo/hiv meds and prednisone. It's hell!! I'm not depressed. Why can't my doctor rid me of this?

Response from Dr. Dezube

Your query says it all. I'm not sure what I can add. Yes, I've had patients whose lymphomas have recurred despite our valient efforts. Yes, recurrent lymphoma can be hell and to quote my patients "really sucks". I'm sure your doctor is right behind you, doing his(her) best to rid you of this. Oh how I wish that our treatments were 100% effective. Our treatments are quite good, but we will not rest until they are 100% effective. And yes, you should push for a stem cell transplant. This may be your best hope. Will you survive recurrent lymphoma? None of us know your future, but I pray that you find the hope to cling on to. You sound like a very special guy(gal). Your stress and fear are very palpable. Do you have adequate support in terms of friends, families, support groups, counselors, and co-workers?


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