Old and no fight-No More!
Nov 15, 2013
I would just like to comment on your response to my complaints about growing old with IV and the depression that was part of my life. I took your advice to heart and finally got out of bed. I have lost 80 pounds so far and now walk four miles every morning. For some reason, going to the gym, even with a personal trainer, did not have the same result as walking. I would like to point out one resource I found particularly helpful. The web site rational recovery.com The site really is an alternative to ____anonymous programs. The 12 step programs have a high rate of failure. Rational Recovery puts the ball back in your court. It's general idea is that you do have control over drugs, etc., and that you can say no when the craving for a drug comes on. Who do are you going to allow control over your actions? The drug or your own decision not to do the drug. It puts personal responsibility back into the addiction problem. I looked at this and thought why not use the same idea to take control of the depression that had overwhelmed me for 18 years. I made a conscious decision to take responsibility for my feelings and behavior. I no longer linger for days in bed. I have gotten back in touch with friends I had abandoned when first diagnosed with HIV and became depressed. The shrink can only help so much. The meds are sometimes helpful and sometimes not. The shrink is one of the pill prescribers who spends very little time talking to patients. Talk therapy is more rewarding, but living on disability leaves little money for that. I can't recommend the concept of rational recovery enough as it took my depression out of the hands of the shrink and right back under my control. I realized that I cannot control what happened to me (HIV) but I am in control of how I chose to react to that diagnosis. I live a relatively normal life except that I don't get to practice my profession any longer. There are many people who would relish the idea of having this much personal time to do what they want and that is what I have done. Thank you for your advice over a year ago as my life has changed 180 degrees toward the better.
Response from Mr. Vergel
I am so happy to hear from you! I was worried!
For those who have not read your first post, here it is: Old and dont have alot of fight left
I am glad you found resources that got you out of the house, gave you a structured program to overcome obstacles and shifted your perception. But remember also that recovery (from drugs, abusive relationships with yourself or others, self-pity and depression) is an active awareness that we need to do daily just like working out our bodies. Some of us relapse and go back to old ways, but this process can be like a pendulum that starts swinging less and less with time until our new way of being "sticks".
I am happy that you found tools and hope again. You should be proud of yourself for not giving up and now can look forward to practicing what you have learned daily. That voice inside of our heads that tries to sabotage our present moment may always be there but with proper tools we can make it become just a whisper.
Your email has made my day and reminds me why I do this work. Thank you and keep us updated of any new insights.
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