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Partner shocked after HIV disclosure
Sep 4, 2008

well, i'm a 35 yr old woman, been poz for the past 6 years now, in good health & not on medication. I just wanna give up relationships once and for all coz i don't think i can go through this pain of being rejected ever again because of my HIV status. I had been single for over a year until i met this wonderful guy in June, things were good but we had not engaged into sex as yet, being true and honest person that i am i disclosed my status to him because we were both feeling the edge of having sex & he had given me an indication that he wanted a long term relationship and we were gonna move in together, so i didn't wanna manipulate the situation by just accepting the keys to his place knowing very well what my situation was. i have a feeling he's rejected me & the signs are there coz he hasn't contacted me for 4 weeks now, i called him just after a week of disclosing, his response was that our relationship was still ok and i did good by telling him and that he will be a fool to leave me after what i did, but he asked for more time to digest it bcoz he was shocked. i know he was just being nice by saying that coz he hasn't contacted me in 4 weeks and think he's rejected me and he feels he will hurt my feelings. i'm hurting so bad coz i know i'll never see him again after this. At the same time i feel telling the truth about who i am is such a genuinely liberating experience and I have no regrets that i did.

but now i don't know if i should continue hoping he'll come back, i still love him, or i should just forget about him and move on with my life. i don't have courage either to call him again and find out what's on his mind and ask him if we can try and see if our relationship will work, maybe he will think i'm selfish...even though i don't know what his status is.

Please help advise...SA

Response from Dr. Moyle

I am sorry to hear what has happened to you. Disclosure of HIV status is a tough thing and always risks rejection. It also sorts those who really love you whatever the case from those who don't, and who won't work with you through tough times. So many of my patients have successfully disclosed and established loving successful long term relationships that I am sure the same can happen to you. Sometimes you have to kiss many frogs before you get a prince! Thebody.com has a forum for discordant couples that has lots of discussion on disclosure that you may find helpful. See http://www.thebody.com/Forums/AIDS/Couples/Archive/Disclosing/index.html

Kind Regards

Dr Moyle



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